Dating Advice

Seize the Moment

By Kara Oh

How many times have you seen someone you were attracted to and didn't say or do anything, then regretted it later, knowing the odds of running into that person again were next to impossible? What could you have done to meet them?

Something happened to me last week at the market and I thought I would share it as an example of possibilities.

I was at the market and there was a very attractive man at the bread counter with me. He had a nice smile, nice body, blond hair, relaxed, and he was obviously comfortable with himself. We exchanged smiles.

I got in the checkout line and he got in line behind me. He saw my tofu and tempeh and asked if I was a vegetarian. We had a fun conversation and then after paying for my groceries, I left. There seemed to be obvious interest on his part. I, however, was not open to him, because I'm in a very happy relationship. He, no doubt, sensed no invitation to pursue. If I had been available, I would have kept the conversation going, and, if he didn't ask first, I would have said something like, "This was fun, would you like to have coffee sometime?" A little scary, but hey, nothing ventured, nothing gained.

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The next part is where it gets the most difficult. Because we're taught to be polite and aren't good at being direct and honest, most people would say "sure," if they were available, and either take my number or give me theirs. The trick is to watch the reaction to see if they're really being honest. This takes practice. If it's a little questionable, then don't count on the return phone call. Or if you're calling them, notice the willingness and amount of enthusiasm when you try to make the date. They may have just been really nice and you misunderstood their level of interest.

All too often, we make something out of a first meeting and then feel badly when it doesn't happen. We must learn to keep trying and be more resilient. Remember, Babe Ruth was the home run king, but he was also the strike-out king. Keep trying because something's bound to hit.

Kara Oh is the best-selling author of numerous relationship books including Men Made Easy, Marriage Made Easy, and Women Made Easy.

Kara has been interviewed on hundreds of radio and TV shows across the country in cities like New York, Atlanta, Las Vegas, Chicago, and Philadelphia, and signed books in bookstores in every major (and a few not so major) city. She has featured in magazines like Cosmopolitan and Women's World. She is an enlightening and entertaining public speaker and has traveled to all the major US cities sharing her insights about what makes men tick and how to create amazing relationships.